I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
