So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
