I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
