hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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