you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
