Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
