I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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