I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Randomize
