Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize