well I can't set my house on fire every night
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize