I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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