i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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