I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
