There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
