I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
love makes seman taste better
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
