Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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