i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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