i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
