Joe is yelling at the trees again.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
