I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
