I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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