He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I intend to get homeless drunk
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
