i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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