Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
