uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
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