just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
