i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize