I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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