I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
