Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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