I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
