Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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