When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
