No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
