Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
