I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
