My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Randomize