just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Randomize
