she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
