A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
