I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
