He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
