Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
