Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
