i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
