he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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