I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
