Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
