We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
