He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
