i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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