Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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