Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
