I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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