if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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