OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Randomize
