just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
