i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
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