got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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