How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
