I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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