When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
