I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
