it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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