put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
