I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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