yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
