I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Randomize
