I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
