i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
