i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
