No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
You are a booty call, not a friend.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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