Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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