I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
